Sunday, November 21, 2010

Writing it down

They say writing it down will make it happen (if god wells it of course). So I am writing the following down to make it happen:

1. I want to get a call for a better job opportunity that will make me quit my job and get my life back on track
2. I want him to tell me I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you
3. I want to go to Omra and pray to god so I can cleanse my soul
4. I Want to fix my room and finish it up
5. I want to travel to Spain and Maldvis or Bali to have some fun and relaxation
6. I want to quit work real soon
7. I want to lose weight without thinking about it so much
8. I want to write poems agian like I used to

Bad day

I am having a bad day. Came back from my trip yesterday. As soon as we landed, I felt it coming on. I need a happy pill thats it!.

and when night rolled around, it was full throtel, I couldn't breath, the thought of going back to work was suffecating me. I've never reached this point before where hate consumes every inch of my body for this work place. Its so weird though, the company is so unique and the people are not like others i've worked with, but its like i've been possessed to hate this place.

Going in today was painfull. I literally felt pain in my body going into the office. We had the eid breakfast and I didn't go down. I just wanted to be alone, I wanted to try to find away to breath again, but as soon as I opened my email it was over, the pressure was on and no way I could have switched the button off. Sometimes I hate who ever invented emails. I mean come on 500 emails in 2 weeks!

Actually lately I am going through this phase where I want to cut off all technolgical gadutes. I want to get rid of my blackberry, I feel like it has taken over my life. I hate the feeling that I have to check it every few minutes to see if i got any new msgs, and then I have friends who actually get upset with me for not replying to them in 5 minutes. For Gods sakes I do take showers that last more than 5 minutes, don't they realize that!

and as I recall there is a dail button so if its so urgent don't be sooo cheap to call and get the answer you need.

I am listning to Quran right now hoping it will help with this depresion I am going through. I know God is testing me and I just need to reach out to him to help me through this. I've been slacking off and this is just awake up call for me to get my stuff together with him. Its feels good to hear the words, they speak to my heart, and sooth me.

I just wish I could breath again without my heart being so heavy. God give me streangth, I need you tonight so much.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Random Thoughts

I wonder do you ever check your cell phone and wonder why I have not messged you today or wonder why have I not called you today. I wonder do you ever wonder about me at all. Wish I could read your mind sometimes.

Traveling on Monday, don't feel like going and don't feel like getting on a plane. Top it off I sure as hell don't feel like packing. I never know what to take and how much clothes to take a long!. They need a service where you call someone and they pack for you. Wish I could have one of our nannies do it but god forbid I took them away from Mom's daily tasks.

Tummy hurting me, and sleepy and wish I could drink some hot coco. So despertaly wanting to drink so Johny Rockets hot coco.

So obessed with the food network channel. Makes me want to get some dishes and go to the store and get some ingredients and whip something up, but too lazy to do all the above lol.

Wish I could find the energy to stop being lazy. They need to make a get off your a$$ and stop being lazy Pill, seriously scientest are wasting their time with stuff vapirizing your aging lines away and need to focus on an energy pill that makes you so unlazy.

Went to a moview today called the "Town". I was never a big fan of Ben Afflek's locks, but I do have to say as this guy ages he is looking finer. I guess he is like wine gets better with age, or is that cheese well anyway one of them

Falling a sleep as I am typing, hopefully I will sleep tonight without any dreams. Been having nightmeres lately all about work. Please god Please god get me out of my job and take me somewhere i'll be able to excel at without all the stress. Thinking a lot lately of doing my own business, just don't know what to do, maybe I need to start actually applying what I am watching on food newtwork to real life and expand on this idea. People are obsessed with eating in this country so it could work.

Need to do my meditation before I fall a sleep. Hate the thought of packing..yuk yuk yuk !

Saturday, November 13, 2010


I've realized that I miss writing. It's a form of theropy for me. I need to get so much out of chest, and writing used to be my window of venting of all the things I am going through.

I don't know what were the reasons I stopped writing. I gues life got in the way, but I've decided I want to go back to something that makes me feel good. I can bitch and complain as much as I want and don't have to worry about that I am annoying the person infront of me becausing I keep complaining about the same thing over and over and over. Neyahahahahah Bitching Hear I come.

Ok today i want to focus on my freaking emotions. I am going through a roller coster tonight a moment up and a moment down, dont know when this stupid ride is gona stop so I can get off. I am tired of all these turns that end up taking me back to square one. I mean for gods sakes I would have expected something different in my life by now. Yet I am at a stand still.

I stopped moving forward since I was 23, and thats a long time to be still. I am itching to move, to run, to fly. I need a chnage a big change and no one can bring this change but me. Only the problem is I don't know what kind of change I want.

I know that I want to change my job, but will that change make me feel like I am moving forward, I dont know. I changed my job one time and the chnage was nice for a while but then it took my back to sqaure one again actually it took me to sqaure zero lol.
I am hoping an earthquack hits me soon and shakes my life up in a good way. I am going to imagine it, and I am going to write it down and I am going to use all the energy I have to bring it my way.

Watch out Kuwait a new wave of change is coming!

Old Posts

Suffering from Jet Lag made me decide to look over some old posts I had posted on this blog, and I do have to say this about myself.

"Damn girl you are pethatic, get over it already!"