I Miss him Tonight

Can't Breath

I feel like I am suffocating and I can't breath. There is something heavy on my chest, restraining me keeping me confined.

I want to cry but the tears aren't coming. They are resisting spilling over. Maybe they know if they start falling I'll just break down and fall a part too.

so many things going on in my life, yet i am standing so still going no where. I want to move forward but this fear holds me back, keeps me down.

I am tired, I am just so tired. My eyes water up as I write this but no tears come down ... Please God help me cry.

Dear God

Dear God,

I want to be happy with my Job. Please help me like it. Please!

Aging Gracefully

She's reached the Big 3 0. Thirty.

She never thought it would bother her, but reaching that age did. She didn't look her age and didn't act it either but just thinking of it and seeing it written on the piece of paper in front of her really bothered her.

She started to think of what she has done and accomplished in life and she really couldn't think of one thing that made her proud. She hated the fact that her whole life revolved around her work especially since she hated her place of work. The work it self didn't bother her so much, yet it wasn't something she thought she would be doing for the rest of her life. The thought of doing that same work day in and day out for the next 20 years left a tasteless feeling in her mouth.

Her looks was another matter that was upsetting her. She never used to look at herself in the mirror more than 15 minutes in the morning. Now she spends so much time looking at her face and looking at the wrinkles that are forming around her eyes she cringes. Her friend calls them "laughter lines" and claims they are beautiful lines. She however hated them and wanted to "botox them" away.

No, reaching the age of 30 was not something she is coping with gracefully. She knows she should be grateful for what she has but she always imagined her life differently, more glamorous, more exciting, more fulfilling and never this dull.

Is this mid life crisis she wonders?