Monday, March 28, 2011

Letting Go

I am trying to let go, but its so hard. I know with time it gets easy but right now time is so far away, and I feel like I have something so heavy on my heart that's stopping me from breathing.

I think he got the message and he probably thinks its the best way out as well. We would never have the courage to say to each others face that we need to end things.

I always imagined what I would say when things came to an end, but I knew deep down that I would never have the guts to actually say it to his face out loud.

Who knows maybe its not the end but it sure feels like it. I hope I get through this again and reach the other side with my sanity intact, otherwise I will never be the same again

Dear god help me be strong.

Monday, January 17, 2011

What does it mean

I feel so far from you, even though you are very close by. I don't get excited like I used to when I hear your voice or see your name on my cell phone. What does that mean I wonder? When I talk to you i feel nothing, as if I am talking to a co-worker at work that means nothing to me.

Has years of adoring you finaly turned into something else. Or this normal and every person gose through this when they've been with someone for so long?

I want to go back to adoring you and feeling alive when I see you and having you around me. THe sad part is that you don't realize it and don't feel like anything has change.

I need more from you and you can't give it to me. I need so much more. Maybe god is answering my prayers. Ive asked so many times for him to help me get over you and kill the feelings I have for you. Maybe I finally got my wish, but the ironary is that I am so sad and confused.

I hope one day you will know of what has happend and the reasons behind it. I hope one day soon you will yearn for the old adoring me that used to hang on everyword you used to say. I hope one day you will take a step forward to get me back to you.

Saturday, January 15, 2011


I am angry this weekend, and for no reason at all. I just want to pick a fight with anyone that is willing to give me the time of day.

I want to yell and scream and just push all this bad energy out of my body. Tomorrow is Sunday and I know I am going to yell at my boss and we are gona get into an argument.

I get like this from time to time and its scary because I don't understand these emotions and I end fighting with someone that is close to me. For example this past this week I've pissed off 5 people alone or make that 6.

I can't explain what happens to me, negative energy just takes over me and I can't control the words that come out of me. I know by what I say that I am hurting the person infront of me but that does not stop me, on the contary it seems to push me more to say it loud and clear and the more I hurt them by my words the more satisfaction I get for those few minutes. And then after an hour or so I feel so crapy and guilty and start crying because I feel like I was a meaaaaan *itch and I should be more calm and cool.

hmmm it sucks to be a lady sometime!

Sunday, January 09, 2011

I miss dancing

I went to an Indian wedding tonight, it was so much fun. Why can't our weddings be mixed. Its way much more fun then the traditional Kuwaiti weddings that are soooooo looong and boring with no action.

I realized tonight I miss dancing, I want to dance my heart out. I need a good CD with a lot of dancing music so I can shake my booty all night long.

I want to laugh the night away as I dance. I want to lose my breath cuz i am dancing so much. I want my heart to beat so much cuz of the adrenaline in my blood it would be like a high. I miss that rush that I get that makes me want to run sooo fast and scream at the top of my voice ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I am so pumped up right now, I dont know how the hell i am gona sleep. dancing sounds more like it !