Wednesday, February 23, 2005

She Came Undone

She sat gazing into space, feeling alone, feeling defeated, thinking, remembering the past....

Had she had any intentions for falling for him? No. Did she choose to fall for him? No. Always the same answer, but how could she not fall for such a warm soul she wondered.

It wasn't in her plans to fall in love with him. He was just a friend. Yet there she was after 3 years of friendship feeling confused about why she got so jealous of him talking about another girl. She denied it at first, fought the idea so hard. She didn't want to face the reality of the matter. She had feelings for her best friend.

They continued to be friends for another 4 years and all through this time she kept her feelings a secret. She would drop hints at times about how she felt, only to make a joke out of it so he would never suspect a thing. Only with time her feelings got in the way and the frustration started to build up because she couldn't express what was really going inside of her. This led her to pick fights with him, which ended up with each of them hurting one another. The fights continued until one day she did something to betray his trust and this led to their last big argument.

A few weeks later she decided to E-mail him to apologize for the argument and for everything that lead to it, but most importantly she decided to tell him about her true feelings since she had nothing else to lose. She had already lost the most important thing, his friendship.

She waited for his response for days. She had hope that he would answer her for he had always said that he would never be the one to end the friendship, that he would never be the one to walk away. A month went by after which she finally admited to herself that he was not going to reply to her E-mail.

She knew she had hurt him a lot during that last argument, but she thought that seven years of friendship would account for one last reply. She tried to forget, she tried to move on, only the memories would not fade away. So she tried again after a year to contact him. She sent him another E-mail telling him she still had feelings for him, she told him she didn't want anything in return just some answers to questions she frequently wondered about. She needed answers. She was looking for closure.

This time there was a response, a promise to answer all her questions, he just needed some time to sort things out. So she waited, only he never kept his promise, and 7 seven months passed without a word from him.

As fate would have it, after all thoes months she saw him by chance. It was as if a year and half of silence did not exist. She felt such a rush of adrenaline when she saw him, she felt cold and hot all at the same time. She wanted to gaze upon him as long as she could, to memorize every detail of his features, to engrave every line on his face in her heart, for she knew it might be the last time she would ever lay her eyes upon him. Only this time, pride stepped in, and the memory of his silence, his broken promise, and all the pain she experience came rushing back like a slap of a cold winter air across her face. So she walked away without a word.

That same night as she lay in bed, she yearned to pick up the phone, to call him just to hear his voice, just to talk for a while. She knew of course that she could not do that, and she could never do that again.

The tears flowed down her face. She had survived the shock of his silence twice before, emerging as a stronger person from those experiences, only this time it was different. She was afraid. She never felt so defeated, so out of place in her world. She was losing her desire to live, her will was gone. She had become undone.

She realized at that moment she was still in love with him even after all that had taken place. She did not know if she was a loser for still feeling that way about him, or if that made her less of a person. The only sure thing she knew of was the love that still burnt in her soul for him.

So she closed her eyes, and whispered the words she had not uttered in a year and a half. The same words she had whispered every night during all those years they were together, "I love you my friend, my warmsoul. imauh"

Wednesday, February 16, 2005


A few days ago, Arab Times reported that the Kuwaiti Police gave out tickets to around 400 female drivers due to wearing a veil while driving and around 28 tickets to male drivers for the same reason, now I wana know what were thoes 28 guys thinking, and I sure as hell would have liked to seen the reaction of thoes copes when they saw what was under the cover!

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Another Joke

Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her 80's and had never been married. She was very much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring, and she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea.
As the pastor sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated of all things, a condom. Imagine his shock and surprise, imagine his curiosity! Surely Miss Bea had flipped or something!
When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and it's strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could not resist no longer.
'Miss Bea', he said, I wonder if you could tell me about this? (pointing to the bowl)
'Oh yes', she replied, 'isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown last fall and I found this little package on the ground, the directions said to put it on the organ, keep it wet and it would prevent disease'
' And do you know, I haven't had a cold all winter..!!!'

Blonde Joke

Blonde Parking During the Winter

Norman and his blonde wife live in Calgary. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 centimeters of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 centimeters of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says "We are expecting 12 to 14 centimeters of snow today. You must park........... "then the electric power goes out. Norman's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplow can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to Blondes exhibit, Norman says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

Friday, February 04, 2005

I Will Remember You

Sarah McLachlan is one of my favorite singers. Her work is just amazing. I remember my reaction the first time I heard her sing. I was going to class, and they put the song “I will remember you” on the radio, and after hearing the words I just started crying.

Ironically at that time there was no reason for the words of that song to affect me so much. I guess on some sort of level I knew that I would relate to it very well at a later stage of my life.

Her songs are so poetic, I am not quite sure if she writes her own songs or if she works with certain writers, but they are just amazing. On her latest CD Afterglow, there is a song titled Fallen. It is another amazing song that just takes my breath away when I hear the words. She sings with so much passion, you feel as if she might have really experienced such sorrow.

I’ve added the lyrics to her song “I Will Remember You”. (The bold part is my favorite). Enjoy :)

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

Remember the good times that we had
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smiling in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me
I wanna to be the one

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I’m so tired but I can't sleep
Standing on the edge of something much too deep
It’s funny how I feel so much yet cannot say a word
We are screaming inside but we can't be heard

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I am so afraid to love you, more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Where once there was a darkness, a deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me life

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories