Thursday, January 08, 2009

Sleepless in Kuwait - A Story

somewhere in Kuwait a sleepless girl is venting

"She can't sleep", she keeps thinking what's wrong with him, why is he acting distant and all weird. Is he really in just one of his moods or is he trying to slowly step back. She hated this relationship. They acted like they were a couple but of course he always just calls it friendship. "Your my friend" "Your the best friend I've ever had" and yet do " GUY FRIENDS" reach out to hold their "Friends" hands the whole time they hang out, do "GUY FRIENDS" want to hug their "Friend" every time they see each other and try to tease them with sexy words and gestures!.

"Whats wrong with him" she keeps thinking? she dreads they day he will tell her he is involved with someone else or even worse he is getting engaged to someone else. She is putting her life on hold just for him to say "I have feelings for you" or " I love you, and I've loved you for a while now", why wont he say it to her, why does he only show it and now he is not even doing that!

He doesn't call like he used to, he doesn't try to tease her as much as he did in the past. Something is going on but what she wonders. In times like these she wishes that she had the power to read his mind like a psychic or had some kind of sixth seance where she can feel what's going so she can understand and maybe able to breath a little easier.

His family is the problem, they just don't give him a break, always in his business in every little thing. She doesn't know how he puts up with it but she would have gone crazy by now and shot someone if her family was into her business this much.

She knows he cares for her, it's in his eyes every time he looks at her but that's not enough she wants to hear the words, she needs the confirmation even if there is no future for them she just needs to hear them oh how she would love to hear them.

she wonders what the future holds as she lays sleepless in Kuwait ....


At January 09, 2009 10:53 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

"even if there is no future for them she just needs to hear them"

Maybe he doesn't want to get her hopes high, he can't hide the feelings as they beam through his eyes but as he knows that there is no future for them, then he shouldn't be promising her the impossibility, just being a gentleman.

At January 10, 2009 10:49 PM , Blogger illusion said...


Thanks for the feeback. Since this is a story could you give feedback on the writing itself? I am thinking of a project and I'd like some feedback on my writing style :)

At January 11, 2009 9:52 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm no expert and my opinion holds no merit.

But so what it is worth, spelling check and punctuation are essentials.

One problem, it seems that you've had the introduction and slowly guided the user into detailing the problem's layers. The last paragraph could have been exchanged with the one before it, as the understanding of his true feelings seems in the correct development of the structure.
My problem is the "family" paragraph, as it doesn't serve any need in the story and it is not clear whether it is the realized reason or merely a projected excuse?

At January 16, 2009 10:00 PM , Blogger illusion said...

Thanks Anonymous for the feedback


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