Missing a Friend

It’s been a year, two months and a few days since we last spoke. And tonight I really miss you.

I miss our long talks, the way we would talk about everything. Our fears, our dreams, what we want out of life, our past, our families, our childhood stories, our secret crushes, and our love stories.

I guess I knew it was bound to end and that’s probably why I would always ask you will we still be friends when we are 60 years old and all wrinkled up. You never said yes, you would only say I don’t know but I hope so.

Why did your feelings have to change towards me, why did you have to stop seeing me as a friend? Why did you have to say those three words? It changed everything.

If things were just a little different, if only our life paths had crossed years earlier, I might have been able to allow myself to feel something to you. I might have been able to free my heart and allow it to care for you, allowing it to love you.

What’s more beautiful than a love blossoming from a friendship, but the circumstances were against us from the start. I was doomed to live in an illusion with only the comfort of knowing I can always reach out to God with my prayers, hoping that he will answer me one day and give me the love that I have been wanting.

I wish I could go back to what we had. It’s always hard losing someone, but losing a friend is the hardest. Who else is there to share an inside joke with, who else will give you a lending ear and comforting words when you are blue. Who else will try the hardest to make you laugh and keep that smile on your face. Who else will guard your secrets and not judge you on stupid things you do and continue to do.

I sometimes hear news about you, but I don’t know if you finally opened up your dream business that you always spoke of, I don’t know if you finally went back to the states for a visit, and if you did go back did they still have records of your driving tickets that you never paid. I don’t know if you still go at midnight to Al-Tazij to eat dinner. I don’t know if the crab sandwich at Subway is still your favorite. I don’t know if you ever finally watched the CD I gave you of season 1 of Alias. I don’t know if when you see your ex somewhere you end having dreams of her, I don’t know if you still obsess about buying shoes and if you still have your big closet of shoes. I don’t know if you still follow the stock market and if you still own the Al-Tijariya Al-Aqariya stocks that I told you to buy. So much tiny silly things I don’t know anymore.

But I do know that I will continue to keep you in my prayers asking God that he keeps you safe and surrounds you with people who love you and make you happy.